Nonviolent communication

by Anna Finlayson and Daren DeWitt

The intention of NVC


The secret to creating anything in your life or work is your willingness to align yourself with the power of your intention!

The intention that we adopt when using NVC is as important as the techniques.

The four key ingredients of NVC could be used to manipulate people to give us what we want. This would lead to suspicion and mistrust towards ourselves from others. The end result of this would be that we would be less likely to get what we want from other people!

Our intention when using NVC is connection.

More fully, our intention is to create the quality of connection with ourselves and others that leads to everyone’s needs being met through mutual giving from the heart.

Does this sound naive and idealistic? When we say we want people to ‘give from the heart’, we don’t mean that they need to be gushing with emotion and concern for us! It is more that they give with a genuine willingness, rather than out of fear of punishment, guilt, threat and so on. If people are giving to us out of fear of punishment and so on, both parties will pay for it sooner or later – and often sooner!

People naturally enjoy contributing to the well being of others when they can do so willingly.

Marshall Rosenberg

Notice also the emphasis on connecting with ourselves, as well as with others in conflict situations. In NVC terms, we mean connecting with our own humanity, our feelings and needs. If we are not connected to our humanity in this way, but instead are in our ‘heads’ – analysing, judging and blaming others – it will be very difficult to feel any empathy for the other person in a conflict and therefore to create any genuine connection with them.